When we found out that we were having a baby, one of the first things that I said was that it could grow up and marry a friend’s baby in an arranged marriage (halfway joking, but really not). Then the big question (because this friend’s baby is a girl) from my wife is “What if the baby is a girl?” to which I reply “Then she better be gay”. Upon repeating this idea to several people (as well as the friend in question), I began to ask myself why I really wanted to have a gay baby.
I understand that we live in a society where it is still not 100% acceptable for a gay teenager to come out to their parents. Sure, when I was growing up, parents would disown their kids for being gay. Though it has gotten better now (to an extent), I think there are some parents who would still disown their children. It’s not going to be until several decades when we finally weed out all the old timers built on hate until we have an accepting society and families (same goes for racism, religion, etc). Yet, I feel like if my child doesn’t grow up to be gay, I’m going to somehow be disappointed. I feel like if my child, let’s say it’s a girl, has a relationship end badly with a boyfriend, I’d be likely to say “I know Mark’s a jerk, but have you ever thought about Ashlee? She’s cute, huh?” Though that, in and of itself, then becomes its own problem because then I will be this mid-forties guy telling his teenage daughter that her teenage friends are cute. It’s probably not the best road to go down, even if my intentions are only of the homosexual kind.
So then I naturally started thinking about what the big deal is about being gay and why I would want someone to be gay so badly. And in my thinking, I found something rather interesting out, which I will now (unfortunately) share with all of you.
First off, while I am not gay, I do like the idea of being gay. I’ve always felt like it was this special club that either get to join or not. Not being born into it, I always felt a little left out. And no matter what anyone says to you, being gay is not a choice. Believe you me, if I could choose to be gay I would. But, alas, I do not feel the way about men the way that I do about women. And once you reach that point, you really start to understand that being gay isn’t a choice either because as much as I just can’t seem to wrap my head around the idea of falling in love with another man, I bet the other side of the coin feels the same way. This point has actually also been demonstrated in such shows as The Simpsons and 30 Rock, and though only television shows, they still carry such an accurate portrayal of real life that it is hard to deny it.
While coming to all of these realizations and absurdities, I stumbled upon a concept that actually makes great sense to me. You can either take this as a genuine piece of knowledge, or disregard it as the good intentions of an old fool (you should probably do both with everything I ever say).
Imagine there exists a room and in it, a group of people sit in a circle sharing a story. This story can be one that makes them so sad they cry or so happy they all appear to be glowing and just smiling from ear to ear. For purposes of my story though, let us pretend that the story is hilarious and they all start laughing. Then you walk in. “Hey guys, what’s so funny?” you ask in your heterosexual way. “Oh, you wouldn’t get it” they reply in their matter of fact but not at all ill intended way.
Something like this you can perceive one of many ways. The most common way (unfortunately) is to have the attitude of “Yeah, well I didn’t want to know about your stupid joke anyway! I’m going to form my own club and none of you will be allowed in it and we’ll tell jokes that we can laugh at but you won’t get!!” Of course, that is the sort childish/blind hate approach to all of this. A less likely but still happens scenario is someone simply saying “Well, that’s fine but me and my family will have nothing to do with you”. That’s a little more tolerant of a reaction, but still not all the way there. What I feel to be the appropriate response (because it’s the one that I would have) would be to join the group even though you could never really be a part of it and just try to understand the inside jokes. I mean, if everyone you know watches a movie and really likes it, and then they’re talking about it, do you get mad or do you go and watch that movie? I’m not saying you have to be gay, but a little tolerance and understanding go a long way.
Side Note: One day my baby will grow up and possibly read this.
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