I recently found out that Barack Obama has a Facebook page, which appears the be fairly official. It also didn't surprise me that he does not have a wall set up for people to post on. A lot of the haters would simply put things like "you suck" on his wall, or something much more obscene and graphic (and spelled worse too). I, myself, wish Barack Obama had a wall I could post to just because I'd like to tell him these ten things.
1) Stop sending me requests for Mafia Wars, this situation in Egypt really needs your attention.
2) Why did you change your status from "married" to "it's complicated"?
3) I don't care if Sarah Palin won't accept your friend request, get back to work!
4) We are not paying you to tag yourself in photos, sir.
5) "just checked in at Hooters with three others" is probably best left unposted.
6) If you think that the smoking monkey should have more friends than Justin Bieber, then click "like", but stop asking for my opinion. I don't care.
7) I still view the threat of Godzilla to the U.S. as a very real thing.
8) No, sir, *I* will win this poke war.
9) You probably shouldn't've "liked" 'foreign oil' and 'giant piles of cash' at the same time.
10) You should answer some event invites wrong to throw off any would be assassins.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Yo Joe! (10)
Top 30 Greatest Movies of All-Time # 10
Title: G.I. Joe: The Movie
Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away: The funny thing about this movie is that it has three voice actor names in the opening credits. It stars Don Johnson as Lt. Falcon, Burgess Meredith and Golobulus and Sgt. Slaughter as Sgt. Slaughter. It never fails to amuse me when it says “Sgt. Slaughter as Sgt. Slaughter” instead of maybe “as himself” or something simpler.
Introduction: Basically, since I was born, I was into G.I. Joe. It was one of my interests that has never really changed that much over time, as I’ve always had at least some interest in what the Joe team was doing (Yes, even during the dreaded Sigma 6 days) When I say this is one of my earliest memories, in ways it is, but also you need to know that I am 100% completely honest when I admit the following: One of my earliest (and best) childhood memories is going to an independently owned toy store called the Play Pen in Meriden, CT and having my parents buy me single carded G.I. Joe figures for a dollar each. I kid you not. I remember one year for Christmas, my grandma got me a number of them all wrapped up in the same box and I was so excited. I remember having friends come over and we’d put the Zartan figure on the window ledge in the sun and watch as his color changed with the sun. I also remember for some reason having a hissy fit during church one day and being told if I behaved we could go to Play Pen afterwards. I did, and that was when I got my first Shipwreck figure (for only a dollar!) The Play Pen closed down a long time ago, with toy stores becoming chains and the world becoming what it has. It turned into a chain video store for a while, but that went away too. There used to be a Burger King in that plaza that also held days of my youth, but they tore that down to build… another Burger King. Now there is a Walgreens in that plaza and it’s all I remember from my last visit to Connecticut. What does this have to do with this movie exactly? G.I. Joe is in my roots, man.
Location: It’s animated, so it doesn’t really matter as much as other movies. They could have done the animation anywhere, but it was probably done in Japan or China. What’s worth noting in this section is that (spoiler alert) this is the only animated movie that will be contained in my Top 30 list. That has to really say something about it.
Plot: This movie offers one of the, now many, versions of the Cobra Commander origins story. Cobra Commander was working a lab when it all went terribly wrong. Haha, he starts turning back into a snake in this movie and his constant pleading of “I was once a man…. A maaaaaaaaaaannnnnn” becomes funnier every time you watch it. It’s also great to mock Serpentor with his “Cobra la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la” war cry. So nearly every character is in this thing, even if you just see them telling a story halfway through to someone else. This also introduces a large number of new characters, most noted amongst them are Tunnel Rat, Big Lob, Law & Order (who are basically just a rip off of Mutt & Junkyard) and Jinx. One last thing that has nothing to do with the plot that you probably don’t care about is that up until only recently, Big Lob never had a figure before. Hey, are they still making the 25th Anniversary series of 3 ¾ inch Joes? If so, a lot of characters from this movie need to be made and soon!
This movie is about the Joe team basically doing something to fight the evil of Cobra. In a way, it’s like taking what is normally a twenty two minute episode of the show and dragging it out across the course of a near hour and a half movie, but at the same time there is so much more to it than just some big name actors and new characters coming in. One of the most interesting facets of this movie is that rather early on Duke (the main hero for quite some time) takes a snake to the chest courtesy of Serpentor. Not only do they show blood, but Duke is put in serious danger of dying. Throughout the entire series up until this point (at least as much as I can recall), no one ever really had their life put in danger this closely, as being captured was about the worst thing that could happen to them. Sure, they’d sometimes, say, take a submarine down too far and if they didn’t make it up in time they’d die, but they never said “die” or “death” it was just about “running out of air” or something similar. This was one of the first times that they took death so seriously, even as General Hawk turned to the camera and said “Yo Joe” somberly as he shed a tear to end the scene. Deep stuff. Deep, deep stuff.
Acting: Don Johnson is all right, but Sgt. Slaughter steals this show hands down.
Production: While it is a step above the animated series up until this point in time, it is not nearly advanced as the cartoons these days. For that, I really like it though. One of my biggest problems with G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra as a movie was that it was entirely too dark. For something like The Punisher, yeah, make him dark. But for G.I. Joe? Where are the colorful characters and laser guns? G.I. Joe was always so bright and the Rise of Cobra movie just failed to deliver that. Even the Transformers live action movies had a certain brightness to them. While I suffered through the Sigma 6 and Valor vs. Venom days of G.I. Joe and the CGI (yuck), I still think this is how G.I. Joe looks best when depicted on screen. Their new show and Resolute are not that bad, but this is how I prefer my Joes (and Cobras) to look, thank you.
Sex/Nudity: No, no, no. But watch the first Lt. Falcon scene very closely. Is it me, or are his eyes drawn to stare at that woman’s breasts? Also, there is a scene where Zarana undresses (into a swimsuit) that can be a bit too much for younger viewers.
Special Effects: It’s all lasers and what not, you know, animation. I think if I could ever sit down with a G.I. Joe Genius, like say Larry Hama, and ask him only one question, my question would have to be this. I know there are a lot of things I want to know about the G.I. Joe universe (like for a kids show, why do all the women have such big boobs and revealing clothing), but it comes down to one main point. If anyone knows whether or not this has been addressed before somewhere, please send me an answer at stormshadowfan4life@aol.com. My question would simply be this: If Roadblock couldn’t think of something to say that rhymed, would he just keep his mouth shut? (Honestly, I feel Roadblock would have so many more lines in general if he didn’t have to rhyme all of them)
Overall Verdict: I owned this movie for the longest time on VHS, in a bubble case, and watched it non-stop. It wasn’t until only recently I got this movie for Christmas on DVD. Then, several months later, an anniversary edition was released on DVD and I saw it at Walmart. The funny thing is, I remember when G.I. Joe used to be on in the morning five days a week (because I watched it). I remember when they broke this movie down into five parts and would air it across the course of a week. It was always awkward when they didn’t start it on a Monday. It was funny, because we owned the VHS as a kid, but I watched it during the week anyway, broken down in parts with commercials because I just always watched G.I. Joe at that time. It is so unlike anything I would do now. But one of the best things I remember about watching this too is that in order to follow along from day to day with the different parts, the movie was hosted by the real life Sgt. Slaughter. Those were the days.
The List Thus Far:
(10) G.I. Joe: The Movie
(11) Billy Madison
(12) American Splendor
(13) Last Days
(14) Mallrats
(15) The Dark Knight
(16) Bottle Rocket
(17) Tank Girl
(18) The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl
(19) Big Trouble
(20) The Devil’s Rejects
(21) Raiders of the Lost Ark
(22) Beetlejuice
(23) Escape From L.A.
(24) Howard the Duck
(25) Cabin Fever
(26) Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
(27) Uncle Buck
(28) Donnie Darko
(29) Demolition Man
(30) Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Graphic Novel Review: Wilson by Daniel Clowes
Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away: This is my first time taking what I normally call my “Horror Movie Review Template” and trying to apply it to the review of a graphic novel. Sure, I’ve strayed from the genre of horror already with my movie reviews (Though that point can be argued in some instances), but now to go to an entirely new medium? This could be interesting. This graphic novel is written by the writer of Ghost World.
Introduction: I checked this out from my local library and read it in one sitting.
Location: Though this point really doesn’t matter as much as, say, in a movie, this takes place primarily around the same city. It’s got enough of a background, but that isn’t the selling point of this book.
Plot: Wilson revolves around a character of the same name that, for intents and purposes, is kind of like Harvey Pekar except not real. The way the book is drawn is in panels of six to seven per page and each page is sort of a little in itself with a title. In this way, it very much resembles a comic strip collection rather than a graphic novel, but how am I to mince words? Wilson is basically a lonely older man who tries to get back with his ex-wife, who despite his claims was never a drug addict. The way the pages stand on their own while continuing an overall theme in the story just amazes me. This is truly a work of art- by my definition- because it is something that I wish I had done. Now if I decided to make something in this particular format, everyone would just say I was a copycat.
Though honest and moving at times, this is mostly a comedy. They even have it where from panel to panel it leads up to the last spot as being the punchline. It has a lot of emphasis on dogs, parents, family and why fat women are attractive even though society doesn’t see it. It’s a nice little story about a weird little guy who likes to swear a lot.
Acting: There isn’t really acting, but the characters have good development. I’d like to see more of them, possibly a sequel?
Production: It is very professionally done in full color and all that. What should be noted is that from page to page, the characters in Wilson can change appearance if only from an artist standpoint. There is a very serious looking version, which reminds me most of Harvey Pekar (This can be found in the first story “Fellowship”), while there is also a very cartoony/over exaggerated version as well (Such as with “Fat Chicks”). There are also versions in between this, as well as different shades and hues throughout as well (Some darker, some lighter, some black and white, etc.)
Sex/Nudity: There is a bedroom scene but no cartoon nudity. I would give this a “R” rating if it was a movie, though, simply because of how many f-bombs are dropped.
Special Effects: If this was to be turned into a movie, I’d cast Dave Attell as the main character, though the studios would probably give it to Philip Seymour Hoffman or Kevin James.
Overall Verdict: This is the first time I really felt compelled to write about something other than a movie in a review sense for my blog. That, in and of itself, has to say a lot about this particular graphic novel. Highly recommended.
Stay Out of the Water!
Title: Rogue
Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away: Right off the bat, this movie tells me on the front of the case that it’s from the director of Wolf Creek, Greg McLean. I also then find out it has Michael Vartan (Alias) and Radha Mitchell (Pitch Black) in it. It also happens to be made by Dimension Extreme, for release purposes, a film company which has never done me wrong.
Introduction: I picked this up as part of a sale from Games Plus.
Location: It starts as a boat trip and they all quickly end up on a (very) small island. It’s in Australia, naturally, so it seems like they just shot it in someone’s backyard.
Plot: A group of people go on a boat tour, but somehow manage to annoy the local crocodiles, as they begin to strike the boat and eat anyone and everyone that they can. At first, it reminded me of Hatchet simply because they were on a boat, and people have compared it to Jaws, but I think it’s so much different because we’ve come so far as moviegoers since that time. Rather than actual fear (Though there are some shock-scary moments), this movie basically lets you pick which characters annoy you the most and therefore you who you want to see die first. It’s kind of fun.
In one scene near the end, Michael Vartan’s character grabs a huge stick to try and fight off the giant killer croc. It’s hilarious to say, “Come and get me! I’ve got… a really big stick…”
Acting: The acting is good, though most everyone is Australian and has accents as such. It should also be noted that John Jarrett, the star (in my opinion) of Wolf Creek appears in this movie as well without the mutton chops. When I first saw him, I thought he looked familiar in an odd way, then recognized him and looked him up to confirm it.
Production: It looks like it could have been in theaters. Some of the shots of the countryside are just amazingly beautiful.
Sex/Nudity: They don’t have time for that, while they’re being, you know, eaten alive.
Special Effects: They have to make some pretty cool looking giant crocodiles and they come out looking great. Here is my advice to you on how to remember that they are killer crocs and not alligators. Crocodile Dundee is from Australia, where this movie takes place, and he’s not Alligator Dundee. Get it? Got it? Good.
Overall Verdict: This is a great movie, don’t get me wrong, but when I looked up Greg McLean to see what else he had done, the only trivia he had about him on iMDB was about something called The Splat Pack. This, naturally, lead to my looking up the other members of the group that I didn’t know and, well, as they say, the rest is history.
First Zombie Movie Ever?
Title: Night of the Living Dead
Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away: GEORGE A ROMERO, zombief---ers!!!
Introduction: I bought this DVD because I was high.
Location: In a house in the woods, being attacked by zombies.
Plot: This is probably the first real zombie movie (or most recognizable) and rightfully so. The best part is still in the beginning when the guy kind of teases his sister, then the creepy guy does turn out to be a zombie. She was just going to apologize because she thought he heard her brother… Yeah, that’s why I don’t apologize for anything.
I would, however, like to now formally throw my name into the hat of people who would like to turn this into a musical if it hasn’t been done so already (or isn’t in the works) I liked singing a lot of the lines during my I-don’t-know-how-many-times seeing this.
Acting: The acting is good.
Production: It’s black and white.
Sex/Nudity: Not available.
Special Effects: Not available.
Overall Verdict: I only really reviewed this movie to make my claim about the musical. You should have seen this already. If you haven’t, you need to get off the internet and watch it to get back into the fold with the rest of zombie society.
We’re On Our Way to Die, Want a Ride?
Title: Dark Ride
Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away: This movie stars Mickey from ”2Gether”, the little brother from Son In Law all grown up and the older sister of the girl who voices Candice on “Phineas and Ferb”. Yes, this does sound like the trailer I saw for Fanboys.
Introduction: (such as where/how this DVD was obtained, how much it cost, etc)
Location:
Plot: This movie originally starts with three guys and two girls, but they very quickly even it out as they pick up a lone hitchhiking female. Yes, yes, yes, that breaks all sorts of rules in horror movies, but hey, they were already headed to New Jersey, so why not?
This group of fun loving pot-smoking kids is on their way to who cares where when along the way they decide to stop at a dark ride which is shut down. Breaking the law, they enter anyway and expect that they won’t be brutally murdered. One by one, they start getting picked off, and it only makes me happy when each of them dies.
Acting: It’s pretty bad.
Production: It could have been in theaters, but a lot of it is pretty dark (no pun intended).
Sex/Nudity: There is a bunch, but in one scene, the girl is giving one of the guys “oral pleasure” when her head is chopped off (He doesn’t notice because he’s an idiot) When the guy tries to bring up the girl’s face to kiss her, after he climaxes, her head becomes removed from her body and he starts screaming like a little girl. IT’S HILARIOUS.
Special Effects: See above.
Overall Verdict: This is a nice movie to watch once or every so often if the mood fits, but it’s not really anywhere near a cult classic or must-see level. If you have intentions of seeing every movie in the 8 Films to Die For series (as I do), then you won’t be disappointed in this one. However, it’s not something that you really need to go out of your way to see.
Get Out of My Screams and Into My Car
Title: Penny Dreadful
Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away: The title character is portrayed by Rachael Miner, who may be someone but I’m not sure. Her psychiatrist is played by Mimi Rogers, who has been in a number of things.
Introduction: This marks review # 3 out of the 8 Films to Die For: Year One. I got this as a lot with the others in this year (minus The Hamiltons and The Abandoned) for a very reasonable price on eBay, considering that they were all sealed and from Best Buy.
Location: In a car, on a road, driving through the night skies.
Plot: This movie revolves around a girl named Penny (duh) who was in some sort of terrible car crash and now hates cars. Her therapist or whoever (played by Mimi Rogers) decides to help her overcome her fears by putting her in a car and taking her back to where the incident occurred. Right off the bat I can tell you that this movie is funny because every time Mimi Rogers speaks, she usually says something encouraging to Penny, like, “Don’t you want to get better and put this all behind you? Let’s keep going!” It is very easy, as an observer, to counter anything she says with “Shut up, you’re not my real mom!!” for tons of great laughs. Anyway, Mimi Rogers is pretty much the death of this girl in this movie. If you ever wonder what not to do in a movie, just watch the character Mimi Rogers plays and don’t do anything she does. First off, she gets distracted while driving and hits a guy. Okay, not entirely her fault, so we can let that slide. When she gets out of the car to check on him, she comes back in to inform the traumatic Penny that she has offered him a ride somewhere because what else did you expect her to do, she just hit him. How about saying no, lady? She then proceeds to drive him to a camp in the middle of nowhere that he claims to work at and that I claim doesn’t really exist. He creepily waves goodbye and they don’t see him again until the stabbing starts. So here’s my thing… First off, you don’t EVER pick up hitchhikers, especially in the middle of nowhere when it’s dark and you are alone with a traumatized girl. In this situation, the most she should have done was driven this guy straight to a hospital. The least she should have done was just kept driving. I would have met somewhere in the middle and called 911 for the guy, but then took off. It wouldn’t be as bad as the hit and run, but it wouldn’t give him a chance to kill me while I stuck around to wait for the EMTs either. Also, when she checked on him, she was apparently okay, so all she probably needed to do was say, “You sure you don’t want me to call an ambulance just to be sure? Okay, see you later then. Go back to walking in the road at night in the middle of nowhere without streetlights you crazy son of a bitch”. That could have also worked.
Acting: It’s not bad, but it’s not great. There isn’t a lot of dialogue and that definitely helps.
Production: It looks like it could’ve been in theaters, but it has a very bluish hue to it, up until close to the end when the red in Penny’s jacket finally comes out.
Sex/Nudity: No, she’s too busy being murdered.
Special Effects: Minimal at best, but still done well.
Overall Verdict: I’ve never seen Rest Stop and don’t really remember much about Wrong Turn, but this movie might be like those. I don’t know. The idea is there, and it’s in the right place, it’s just that the Mimi Rogers character is so stupid.
Party of DIE
Title: The Hamiltons
Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away: This movie is directed by The Butcher Brothers and contains primarily unknown actors. I was drawn to it because it is one of the 8 Films to Die For. Along with Wicked Little Things, this marks my second review from the first year of 8F2D4.
Introduction: I bought this on eBay for an undisclosed sum. Totally worth it, by the way.
Location: It takes place in one small town, but is mostly inside different rooms of the same house. Oh sure, there are other locations, but not for a great length of time.
Plot: This movie centers around a family of three brothers (Well, four, but we’ll get to that later) and a sister who seem to move around a lot. They’re kind of like how I’d imagine Party of Five to be except they have some sort of legal problems, what with all the killing. You kind of get the sense something is off with them, even from the previews, but it leaves you wondering throughout the entire movie whether or not they’ll get away with it and more importantly it leaves you guessing as to what exactly their deal is.
***************************SPOILER ALERT******************************************
WARNING: Stop reading this review now if you haven’t seen this movie and do not wish to have it spoiled for you. Trust me, it worth watching without being spoiled. If you’ve watched the movie already, please proceed.
*********************************************************************************
The family has what can only be thought of at first as a pet named Lenny. They have to feed Lenny, and he apparently eats something that involves human death. My initial theory- and the one I maintained throughout- was that they were going to be a family of cannibals and Lenny was just going to be far too inbred and crazy looking to actually be allowed out of his cage and into normal society. Yes, I was expecting a big payoff with some grotesque looking figure appearing in the end, though I wasn’t disappointed by the results. My other theory- which I felt was a copout- was that maybe the family was somewhat fine and normal and their dirty little secret really was just Lenny, which again would turn into some sort of monster scenario. The reality of it all though is that they are actually a family of vampires. Lenny looks like a normal little kid and the youngest son was going through his change throughout the entire movie and is now officially part of the family. It was a nice twist, because while vampires are all the rage right now, I didn’t expect them to go with that. I had my mind set on cannibals. (Zombies was a close second)
Acting: Based on the fact that I really don’t know who anyone is and the sister wants to be Rose McGowan, I’d say they all did very well. Why did the one brother’s hair always stick up in the back though? That kind of annoyed me.
Production: It looked like it might have been in theaters, but not having a huge budget. It really reminded me of watching Automaton Transfusion or Shaun of the Dead for some reason, based purely on production value.
Sex/Nudity: There is a scene in a truck involving sex and later on there is a scene involving two girls making out, but these are all done prior to the kill. As most anyone can tell you with vampires, it’s always about the sex before the kill. (See: Interview with a Vampire)
Special Effects: There was a lot of blood and it looked great.
Overall Verdict: At the end of this movie, the family known as The Hamiltons has to move, naturally, and then enters a new neighborhood under the guise of The Thompsons. I felt that this was a clever way to end things, this just being one of the cycles shown while this is continuously happening, over and over, for this family. I was quite surprised- and pleased- to read after the fact that there is a sequel (called The Thompsons) in the works. I very much look forward to that and now all the other work of the Butcher Brothers that I can track down to watch.
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