Danny Trejo Auditions for “Mexicop”

Title: Bad Ass

Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away:  This movie is all about Danny Trejo and is not too far off from the movie I’d like to see Trejo star in (as directed by Robert Rodriguez) called “Mexicop”.

Introduction: Free Netflix Series #4 (And my first non-Magnet movie now as well)

Location:  All around town, baby.

Plot:  Danny Trejo stars as an old war vet who is basically a plain clothes super hero.   It’s like Kick-Ass but without the tights.   There is comedy, drama and most of all, ass kicking fun all around.

                My idea for a Danny Trejo movie, called “Mexicop”, saw him play a former criminal turned police officer, kind of like in a Snake Plisskan way but less futuristic.   This isn’t that far off from that idea because despite working with the cops there are times that his character certainly doesn’t seem to enjoy it.    Does this mean “Mexicop” would not work as a movie now?  No, it could definitely still work and be a different enough movie to stand on its own from this.   This movie is a bit different than what I had in mind for “Mexicop”, but still the closest thing to it so far.

Acting: Danny Trejo

Production:  Was this in theaters?  I don’t know.  Could it have been based on the production look of it?  Yes, yes it could have been.

Sex/Nudity:  Not so much, no.

Special Effects:  There aren’t really a lot, but there are some good fight scenes. 

Overall Verdict:  This movie comes down to one thing:  Time.  If you happen to have an hour and a half to kill and you like a good action movie with Danny Trejo, then do it up.   But don’t go too far out of your way to watch this one or feel like you’re missing something if you don’t see it.

A Reverse Horror Movie

Title:  Tucker and Dale vs. Evil

Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away:  That one dude from the cancelled show Invasion who went on to also be in Reaper (He looks kind of like he could be Jack Black’s brother) stars in this with Alan Tudyk as the titular characters.   Everyone else… your guess is as good as mine.

Introduction:  This is the third movie in my Free Netflix Series.   Go back and read the review of Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie for more on that, as this is the last time I’ll say all that.

Location:  Would it be too cliché if I said this took place primarily in a cabin in the woods?

Plot: Tucker and Dale are two redneck guys who in any other movie would be chopping up preppy college kids into pieces their next of kin would never be able to find.   However, in this movie they’re just two innocent guys who end up falling victim to prejudice and unfortunate circumstances.  

                I will admit that the whole accidentally-dying-around-us part of this story was hard to swallow at times, but in some ways it did work to make this a sort of reverse horror movie.   It was interesting to see the two parties become threats to each other if only because one thought the other was trying to harm them with no substantial proof to back it up. 

                This movie might not teach you a grand moral lesson about accepting other peoples differences, but it is funny to see a college aged guy jump into a wood chipper. 

Acting:  The acting is pretty much good throughout, it’s just a few of the college type kids are bad actors.   But what can you expect from a horror movie?  If everyone was a great actor, it probably wouldn’t be as fulfilling to see them die.

Production:  Viva la Magnet Revolution!

Sex/Nudity:  Actually, I don’t think there really is, no.

Special Effects:  They take an occasional cop out every once in a while (like someone falling down a hole or dying off camera in general), but when they do show something it’s quite good.

Overall Verdict:  I will admit that I watched this movie over two different times.  I was intrigued enough by the general idea of it that I felt the need to finish it, but finishing it that day wasn’t really a huge priority.   It has that overall feel to it of something you’ve seen before but not quite.   It doesn’t make it anything new or innovative, but it also isn’t exactly like every horror movie you’ve seen before so it’s worth watching all the way through for sure.

I’m a Hockey Player (Put Me In Coach, Put Me In)

Title: Goon

Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away:  Sean William Scott stars in this movie along with Live Schriber and some other actors that I’m not completely sure about.

Introduction:  This is the second in a series of movies I am watching from Netflix (See: Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie Review) and it also should be noted that it is from the lovely people at Magnet.

Location:  Primarily the same small town turned Canada and then various hockey arenas and restaurants.   It definitely had a budget for location at least (or the permission of some kind Canadians)

Plot:  After thwarting a hockey player’s attempt to harm his brother, Sean William Scott’s character (his brother is played by Jay Baruchal, which is hilarious) gets offered a contract to play for a hockey team, which basically just wants to use him as an enforcer.   I’m not big into hockey.  I don’t know a lot about hockey (But I know enough).   But this concept seems pretty realistic to me.   You have a player, like say your Wayne Gretzky, who is just phenomenally good.   As an opposing team, you bring in a player simply to beat him up and take him out of the game—a player who can afford time in the penalty box.    Well, then of course, Gretzky’s team has to hire him a protector- a goon to take out the goon if you will.   

                This is all set with the background of a somewhat interesting family life that could have been explored more but wasn’t for whatever reason and a love interest who has a boyfriend but like the goon hockey player better.   It’s enough to at least not make you feel bored.

                Sean William Scott also has a rival goon in Live Schriber, who is kind of the guy hockey fans want to see fight, so they have a climactic fight scene at the end which is a sort of passing of the torch, if such a thing can exist in the most brutal portion of a sport that is on ice.

Acting:  Everyone does quite a good job, and the acting is one of the things that stands out the most here as just being perfectly executed.

Production:  This movie wasn’t in theaters but it still has a fresh look to it.   Think previous Magnet films and you’ll get the idea.

Sex/Nudity:  Surprisingly, not so much, no.

Special Effects:  The blood looks real.

Overall Verdict:  When you talk about traditional sports, I’ve always been most into baseball and basketball.   I’m not sure why, but that’s just the way it is.  I’ve always seen hockey as being like race car driving.   People who watch NASCAR sometimes are only waiting to see a cool crash (Which is not so cool for the drivers [Cole Trickle])   In this sense, I feel like people who watch hockey (Not all, but most) do it for the expected fighting.   This movie is kind of a glorification of that.  I’d be interested to see how an actual hockey fan felt about this movie, but I don’t know anyone actual hockey fans nor care that much to be bothered asking around.   I think this is one of those situations where if your stereotype of hockey fans is bloodthirsty hosers looking for blood, then this movie will only reinforce that idea.    While this may upset the actual hockey fans out there, The Rock did star in “The Tooth Fairy”.

Son of the Son of the Wolf Man

Title:  Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie

Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away:  Tim and Eric, obviously, and then everyone from Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly to Jeff Goldblum and Will Forte. 

Introduction:  Upon moving from Houston, Texas back to Connecticut, I found myself staying at my sister-in-law’s house.   Here, there is a Wii and with that comes Netflix as well.   So while I’m technically not paying for the following movies- which I will refer to as my “Free Netflix Series”- someone is. 

Location:  All around a single town, but also primarily just inside a mall.  So it’s tricky.

Plot:  Tim and Eric receive a billion dollars to make a movie and then they blow it by making a relatively short, terrible movie with a Johnny Depp impersonator in it.   They spent all of their money getting douched out in Hollywood, so they have no real choice other than to try some miracle way to get the money back or be killed by the men that gave it to them.   Their solution:  To run a failing mall.

                This movie has a lot of little pieces in it that I won’t describe in full (Just watch the movie yourself), but I will tell you that it features John C. Reilly as one of the strangest characters I’ve ever seen.  In many ways, just seeing his character is worth it, although there are still many other fascinating developments throughout the film. 

Acting:  Even Chef Goldblum shines in this movie.

Production:  This is brought to us by the good people at Magnet and had a limited theater release.  I really enjoyed a lot of Magnet movies at one point (Hobo With a Shotgun, Rubber, 13 Assassins) and then I started feeling like they went downhill a little bit (Okay, so maybe Trollhunter wasn’t that bad after all).   But this is my new Magnet revolution.   Are you ready for it?

Sex/Nudity:  I feel like I got distracted during the only sex scene in this movie, but I’d have to watch it again to be certain.

Special Effects:  Just like their show, this movie gets CA-RAY-ZEEE!

Overall Verdict:  The bottom line with this movie is that it’s funny, but it’s also very strange in only the way that Tim and Eric can provide.   If you enjoyed their show, you will enjoy this movie.   If you hated their show, then fuck you.