Title: Feast 3: The Happy Finish
Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away: It’s the same writer/director team from the first two. It also has most of the same cast from the second movie. Many of the people (including the babykiller) who I thought died in the second are somehow back for the third. Trippy.
Introduction: Thrice again, I got this from Netflix. However, for what it’s worth, after watching this (final?) installment I did go out and buy the trilogy together for $9.99 from Best Buy. I suggest you do the same.
Location: This movie picks up where the second left off and we also find our cast inside some buildings, on the streets and, of course, in the sewer.
Plot: As said up there, this movie picks up where the second left off. The bartender makes it through to the end, but no one else from the first (I believe) survives this far. I have to re-watch them all in order and in one sitting to keep tabs on every character. In any event, most of the same characters return in hopes of trying to evade the monsters still. It should be noted that a badass gunslinger joins this cast in this installment (if only briefly) as well as a mystic sage who seems to possess the power to drive the monsters away simply by screaming at them (Played by Last Comic Standing winner Josh Blue, which is awesome). I’m not going to lie. I’ve read the reviews. I know what people think about this movie. I will be giving you spoilers from this point on, so stop reading it if you plan on watching it and haven’t seen it. (If you haven’t seen it, you really should. Then come back and read what I wrote) So this is for all of the naysayers out there. All of the people who “loved the first, tolerated the second and found the third too hard to fathom”. What about this movie is so over-the-top that you can’t find the enjoyment in it? I read someone say he gave up on this series after the second movie because of the scene where they rip apart a baby. Someone needs to tell that dude (and all those like him) that it’s NOT A REAL BABY. Knowing full well that what happens is not real makes it only that much cooler because you get to see the effects of what it might look like. I think with these movies people either want them to be too realistic or they just take them too seriously. Again, here is an example of that. Someone randomly gets squashed by a giant robot resembling a Transformer ~in a movie~ - I laugh my ass off and think it’s the greatest ending possible. Now if that same situation were to occur ~in real life~ I’d be screaming like a girl and possibly faint. And while we’re on that subject, people seemed to be bummed out by the random ending of the lady just being squashed by what appeared to be a Transformer that wandered off of Michael Bay’s set. What did you want? The two characters left to go repopulate the earth? I mean, that’d be about as cliché as the hero sticking around to save the day. And the surprise eating of Eric Dane’s hero character with the utmost of speed and precision and is one of the very core reasons why I (and probably you) loved this franchise to begin with. Are you all really just that butthurt over Eric Dane’s character? Because if you are, there are a large number of cliché horror movies out there that you can watch instead. I loved this movie more than the first two. I thought it had the best possible ending it could. Especially the singer.
Acting: It’s about as good as it gets at this level.
Production: It was straight to DVD, but I still think it looked good enough to be in theaters.
Sex/Nudity: One or two of the topless girls returns and is still topless. But, thank goodness, at one point when they’re walking, the girl finds a leather jacket and actually clothes herself. I’m thinking, as a movie maker, “Someone put clothes on that girl or we’re going to be NC-17” (Even though it’s just boobs), as a movie fan I’m thinking “Why isn’t this girl dressed yet?” and as a pessimist I’m thinking: “Great, leave her clothes off so you can appeal to the horny adolescents”. So luckily she kind of put clothes back on, so as not to make this movie another hour straight of boobs. I would’ve stood up and cheered when she put clothes on if I was in a theater. (Okay, maybe not. Being quiet is important!)
Special Effects: To go along with up there, only there isn’t really nudity, per se, but… There exists one scene where… How do I put this lightly? … You know what happens in jail, right? Well, through a wall, the monster somehow manages to butt-rape the character of The Slasher, and that sort of turns him into a monster of his own. It’s not nearly as graphic as it sounds because if you’re not really paying attention, you probably don’t know what’s going on aside from a monster humping a wall, but, you know, when doesn’t that happen? Ah yes, the people who made these three movies LOVE the monster sex.
Overall Verdict: The song at the end pretty much sums up this entire movie. The first one kind of stands alone, except for the bartender and the monsters. The second and third one should be watched back-to-back for continuity. The song even mentions a possible fourth installment because none of these three really provided us with any answers about the monsters in question. I read that there might be a fourth movie if the DVD sales do well and there is enough interest. Right now, the guys are working on Piranha 3DD, but I’m hoping it will still happen sometime. I almost want to stand outside of movie theaters when Piranha 3DD comes out and tell people if they liked that movie to watch the Feast trilogy. But I don’t have that kind of time. No, I will instead just continue to generate positive buzz for this movie and make the naysayers shut their dirty monster-sexed mouths.
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