Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em

Title:  Almighty Thor

Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away:  After watching this movie, I realized that it was directed by Chris Ray, who is the son of Fred Olen Ray.   Whoa, that is awesome.   It also has some name actors in it such as Richard Grieco (21 Jump Street) and Kevin Nash (WWE’s Diesel).  

Introduction:  It premiered on SyFy when that other Thor movie came out, but I got it on DVD through Netflix a little while later.

Location:  It starts in the homeland of Thor, and then transports itself into the homeland of residential crime.   It had somewhat of a budget, even if not a very big one.

Plot:  The movie starts with Oden (played by Kevin Nash) and Thor’s brother both being killed by Loki (played by Richard Grieco) because he wants the Hammer.  Oden chucks it into another dimension or something right before he dies and Loki is pretty much screwed.   Then Thor comes along and realizes his family is dead.  He vows to get revenge on Loki when a lady pulls him into another realm.  Loki chases him there and the quest for the Hammer pursues.   It is said to be loosely based on the Norse mythology and, yes, it has some references but isn’t entirely accurate.

Acting:  I’m not really bothered by the acting.   Richard Grieco reminded me a lot of Mark Hammill in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back for some reason.  Cody Deal, who appears to be making his acting debut in this movie, looks like a buff version of a lost Wilson brother at times, and I’d really like to see him in a strong action/comedy role, maybe pairing up with Bruce Willis or someone who can be tough yet funny, you get the idea.  The female lead in this, Patricia Valesquez, is actually from Venezuela, so how she got into this movie I have no idea.   As her character is supposed to be from Norway, she should be blonde or redheaded.   They didn’t even dye her hair; much less conceal her Spanish accent.  The whole thing stood out to me like just… I don’t know what.  I mean, even Christian Bale hides his accent to be Batman, Hugh Laurie to be Dr. House, etc., etc.   The surprise of this movie is Kevin Nash.  I loved him in The Punisher and really think he should have a steady movie career as an intimidating action star.  I mean, why not, Hollywood has a lot worse actors.  Am I the only one who takes Kevin Nash’s movie career seriously?

Production:  Much like The Asylum movies that precede this, it looks like it was made for television.   It is, like it or not, the modern day B movie and, no, these are not qualities that I hold against it.

Sex/Nudity:  No, this was made for television.

Special Effects:  They have a certain B movie feel to them and definitely pay homage to Fred Olen Ray.  My biggest problem with this movie (other than the accent thing) is that when they go into the city, Thor throws on a trenchcoat and comes off looking like, well… more of a male model than the Norse god he is supposed to be.   It also kind of makes this movie seem like The Highlander in some ways.

Overall Verdict:  Look, I know this movie was made primarily to cash in on the release of the big budget Marvel movie with the same character or three, but you have to admit that this is a pretty decent movie.  And really, what’s wrong with making a movie about Thor anyway?  Thor is not just a creation of Marvel, he is legend.   If there was something I really liked that no one really held copyright to, I’d like to see as much made about it as possible.   The only example that comes to my mind first is Godzilla, though we know he is not in the free public domain, but if he was and The Asylum wanted to air a movie about him on SyFy to coincide with the release of the new U.S. movie in 2012, I would be thrilled.   And really what it all comes down to is one thing:  Movies.   Sure, we had Jaws at one point in time, but then Joe Dante made Piranha.   You could argue for days about which is better, but I see them as two different things in some strange way and like them both for what they are.    That is how you should view this movie, not as a rip-off of the “major motion picture”.   And to be fair, Alexandre Aja didn’t do a remake of Jaws, now did he?  You can take that whichever way you’d like.  I am going to sit back, remove the proverbial movie reviewer’s stick from my ass and just enjoy this movie for what it is.   How about that?   The only thing I simply cannot suspend my disbelief on is that damn accent.