While I rarely use the Facebook function for “Events” myself, it seems to be somewhat popular. I’m usually reminded on FB mobile about events, to which I say to myself “That’s tonight!” It’d really be nice if FB had a way that they could show you what was happening throughout the course of a week or so, instead of just for right now or in a few hours, but maybe they do when you’re not on mobile. But if I’m not on mobile, I might as well consult a calendar, right? The only time I really use the desktop version of FB is to post links to blogs like this.
So everyone seems to always be concerned with privacy on FB and people either buying your information or just being able to access it in some way, whether it results in unwanted snail mail or identity theft. While this is all fine and good (I don’t put my social security number or work information on FB for a reason), using the event function on FB I thought of a whole new brand of killing. I just seriously hope that someone makes this into a movie before my ideas become a reality. (And for legal reasons, FB, I will state now that I am in no way a partner to this crime should it occur. Consider this a warning in case it does occur. FB may want to make some changes before it could become a reality)
Here’s my movie pitch. Diablo Cody is already signed on to write the screenplay with M. Night Shaymalan directing, so look for it in theaters in the winter.
Imagine being a poor, lonely nerd who never gets the girl. You go to night club after night club, every weekend and sometimes up to four times a week, looking for a woman who finds your collection of Pokemon cards sexy. For obvious reasons, this never happens. One day, you stumble upon FB’s events page and start searching events. You see an event for the club you’re going to that Friday night. You click “yes” on it, showing them you’ll attend. By doing so, you realize that you are able to see everyone else who has clicked “yes” to attend. You see the profile picture and name for a girl you think is cute. You silently hope to yourself, “I hope she’s there, she’s kind of cute”.
At the club that Friday night, you’re having your usual uneventful time when you notice the girl from FB. At first, you kind of forget why you know her, but then it clicks. Now her face and name are both registering together in your head. She seems to be pretty drunk, so you walk up to her and call to her by name. You assure her you have met before, and this makes your conversation go much smoother than usual. Upon noticing this, you ask her to go home with you. But she says no, because you still think that Gnarls Barkley is a basketball player.
The next day, you’re on FB and it hits you. This is the perfect plan to pick up women. You find out who is attending events through FB, then click on their profiles, find things that are of interest to them and then pretend they’re also of interest to you. (So this part of the movie is kind of cliché, because how many people somehow get files on other people, read them and then use them against them later on. I actually believe that without the whole FB aspect and with movie magic instead, this plot kind of occurred in the Devon Sawa movie Slackers)
That next Friday night, you’re at the club and you find that girl and you say all the right things. You take that girl home and then… you kill her. Yes, you become the FB Events Page Serial Killer Stalker. (I’m still working on a better title for the movie, something shorter perhaps) Think about how many copycats could be doing this across the entire country. Does that really make you feel safe on FB? Sure, my phone number is linked up on my FB, but I don’t answer calls that I don’t know. This isn’t about sending an unwanted call to voice mail though; this really could be a matter of life and death.
MNS Twist: At the end, have the guy typing this whole thing really be the killer despite how many times I remind you that, for legal purposes, I am not suggesting anyone actually do this I am just sending this out as a message for a) Hollywood to make this movie before it becomes a reality, b) FB to possibly change some facets of its game and c) people to be more careful in general. No matter how drunk you get, have someone sober around you. And if you think you don’t know a guy, you probably don’t.
Diablo Cody Twist: The killer is a woman. *gasp*
No comments:
Post a Comment