Would you like to know something that no amount of tests of scientific evidence can prove? Okay, here we go.
When I visit my case worker, I have to take these little tests sometimes. Anyone with half a brain can figure them out and easily fake their way through them if they wanted. Basically, the test tells you (Or in this case, your case worker) how depressed you are on a scale of one to ten. I kid you not. As an example, a question might ask something like “I feel sad ____” and then you choose answers ranging from (1) Not at all to (4) All the damn time. What this does, is it gives the person who reads the results a number as to how depressed you really are. The higher your number adds up to be, the more likely you are to be committed again. Funny thing though, it’s not that hard to figure out and trick, but you know, if you’re really here for the help, let’s play along and jump through their hoops.
One thing of note I did see last time I visited my case worker was that I was diagnosed with a history of substance abuse. I am here to neither debate nor confirm that statement right now, but the thing is… you have to wonder how substance abuse is related to life and death.
My theory is that, in life, there is no such thing as accidents. Sure, you drive your car into somebody else’s car, but there is some reason behind it, even if no one wants to say “Well, I kind of just spaced out there”. The same is true about the depressed mind. When you are suicidal, whether or not you want to admit it, you go to the darkest place that you can possibly go. And just when you think it can’t get any darker, you slip a little bit further the next day. A lot of it, quite honestly, is just doing whatever you want and seeing what you can get away with. Pills aren’t really my thing, so don’t really into this too much; I just think they’d make a good example because they are a physical thing that you can count. So imagine that you’re in your darkest place and you no longer care whether you live or die. You take five pills. The next morning you wake up and you’re still alive. That night, you take six. And every day that is another day that you haven’t gone and killed yourself is just another day for you to say, “Well, this many didn’t kill me last night, so I’m going to take more tonight”.
Is it reckless? Absolutely. But being reckless is 99% of what this is all about. So whenever I hear that another celebrity (or even just someone who isn’t famous) has died from a overdose and they call it “accidental” and all that, I can’t help but wonder how many of these things were really just suicides and didn’t go noticed as such. As a prime example (Though I won’t discuss too many details) at the time of her death, Anna Nicole Smith was pronounced as an “accidental overdose” despite the fact that her son had only recently died himself and she was going through some sort of depression with that you can only bet. Essentially, the idea of the “accidental overdose” to me is just ridiculous because I feel like everyone who has ever been a victim to one of those knew exactly what they were doing. Wrestler Andrew “Test” Martin and actress Brittany Murphy died from the same thing as Anna Nicole—the same drug. What? They thought “Eh, this killed Anna Nicole, but I’ll be fine”? No, it’s more likely that they thought “Well, it worked for Anna Nicole, let’s see if it works for me”.
The simple fact is that anything you do- drugs or alcohol related- would either be a) cleared with a doctor or b) simply not done for risk of dying by someone thinking with a clear mind. It is only the reckless mind, and therefore the depressed and suicidal mind, which thinks with the mentality of “If this kills me, so what”, which also only seems to escalate further and further each time one manages to survive said attempts. I was lucky enough to get medical attention before it got out of hand (thanks to my wife and friends), but not everyone does. Those “accidental overdose” obituaries are simply people who went to bed one night (or afternoon) and mixed something they weren’t supposed to but had the mentality of “If it kills me so what”. They didn’t get saved in time. But the idea of an accidental death? I don’t buy it. If you get run over by a car, it’s probably because you weren’t looking. And it probably is also because that driver was going too fast and didn’t leave enough time to stop, plus wasn’t familiar enough with their surroundings and so on and so on. There are no such things as accidents. There aren’t guarantees to the point where you’re almost certain to die every time you put a gun in your mouth. But the idea of an accidental overdose just shouldn’t exist. A person in their right mind would know what they were doing was wrong and could have some health side effects. Someone who suffers from depression and is suicidal is less likely to care and thus would throw caution to the wind and overdose. Would it be accidental? No, they would know exactly what they were doing but they just wouldn’t be able to avoid it because they’re mentally ill. No accidents.
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