The Copycatinator

Title:  Alienator

Actors/Director/Anything Worth Mentioning Right Away:  This movie was directed by the always wonderful Fred Olen Ray, though this is probably my first time reviewing anything by him.   It also has a minor role by P.J. Soles.   Some of the other actors in here I’m supposed to know, but I won’t pretend.

Introduction:  This movie was purchased on eBay as a VHS because it most likely contained the keywords “Fred Olen Ray”, “PJ Soles”, “rare” or “VHS”.    It also was most likely rather inexpensive.

Location:   It takes place primarily in a small town, but it goes back and forth at times to a spaceship and shots of outer space.   They had somewhat of a budget.

Plot:  An alien (who strongly resembles an earth man) has been arrested and been sentenced to death by his peers on his home planet.   However, before he can meet his doom, he manages to escape his execution by fleeing to another planet.   That planet being Earth.    It kind of makes you wonder why people on death row don’t just escape to another planet.   Think about it—Texas not only has the death penalty still, but it also has a home for NASA.   If you’ve done bad enough deeds to get put on death row, surely you can break out of jail, steal a car and hijack a space shuttle.    And now with everything I’ve typed, a mix of emotions has come over me.  Why?  Because I just simultaneously thought about 1) Snoop Dogg and Death Row Records, 2) That lady astronaut who drove cross country wearing adult diapers and 3) The Invader Zim episode I believe is called Spacejackers or Space Hijackers… I don’t know.  Too much going on in my head at once.   Thanks a lot, Fred Olen Ray!   Anyway, back to the movie.   When this… let’s call him a guy escapes from his alien prison and comes to Earth, the planet naturally sends an intergalactic bounty hunter of sorts after him.   (Must… resist… urge… to think about… Lobo)  I guess this is why convicts in Texas don’t just fly to the moon, because then we’d shoot Hulk Hogan or Jason Statham into space and they’d be not only dead but also the unwilling star of a new major motion picture.   (I now wonder if Lobo has ever been in a comic book versus Boba Fett, competing for a bounty)  That, or it would be the best ever episode of Dog The Bounty Hunter.   I’d call it “Dog The Bounty Hunter:  Astronaut Chronicles”.   It’d be big ratings.   Where was I with the plot?  Oh yeah, intergalactic bounty hunter.  Right.   So this bounty hunter really resembles a female earth creature only much more muscular and with crazy huge hair.   Though this was filmed in the 1980’s, so the hair isn’t really going to stand out that much.   She kind of has this S&M meets swimsuit look to her, and basically in most shots of the movie you can see how massive her thighs are (in a muscular way) and it both frightens and disgusts you.   If this movie was remade today, she would be portrayed by Joanie “Chyna” I forgot her last name.   So if this plot doesn’t sound familiar to you yet, it should because it’s basically a very close rip off to the first Terminator movie.   I mean, the movies both end in “-nator”, so, you know…  Let’s do a remake with Chyna and call it Ralphnator.   I think that’d be big money.

Acting:   It’s the 1980’s and aside from P.J. Soles I don’t know if these people have done other movies.  Okay, a couple of them have done other things (so I’m told) but since I don’t really know or care what, it’s about useful to me as if they’d nothing.   The Alienator herself doesn’t even speak for most of the movie.   They could have had Sylvester Stallone nail that role if they had the financial backing.

Production:  Again, it’s from the 1980’s but I’m willing to bet that it was in theaters.

Sex/Nudity:  No, they’re all too concerned with their hair.

Special Effects:  Their lasers remind me of Star Wars and, well, Star Wars.

Overall Verdict:  Though this plot is obviously lifted from The Terminator, it also has a fairly strong semblance to the other cult film of its time, Masters of the Universe.   Granted that is about a different sort of group of bad guys who come to Earth against He-Man to claim some keyboard or something, but still, that whole alien thing is working the same magic in both films.   They also seem to share locations, wardrobe and dialogue.    So if you ever wondered what would happen if The Terminator crossed over with He-Man, well, wonder no more!  For the record, I never wondered.  Still good.